page 5
7/11/2024 9:05am
i'm very upset all the time it feels.
people don't understand what they're doing to me sometimes and it's
7/12/2024 11:52am
sorry.. i had a bad morning yesterday and gave up for a bit to think again. i cried a lot yesterday, but most days i'll st ill cry a little bit lately.. it's not that i'm always sad or super depressed anymore. it's just easy to make me cry i suppose. it sometimes sucks. i don't want to be this way.
okay.. i couldn't get the background of this page to work with the right image. i make a new css file for each page on this website. they're copy and pasted, so all i do for pages that are supposed to be similar to others is to change the background and colors. well this one was messed up for some reason.. i don't completely understand it. i just reloaded several times and changed the same things over and then for some reason it worked.
today is a bit better a nd i want to focus on some positive things. i do enjoy this very much. it almost gives me a feeling of internalized disappointment to think about how i could have started this much earlier, but i'm happy that now i can do this and get a lot done. that i can have fun organizing all of the things that i want to keep track of, and have a blog on the side. even if at the moment nobody can really read it yet, it does make me happy that i have some place to keep these thoughts. please don't get it twisted. i know that these days i have some problems, and i want to remain aware of the ways i think and feel. i hope that just because i still have problems, that it never appears that this or any of my dearest creative outlets 'don't contribute to a more positive outlook' or even worse that they carry some sort of poison.
the truth is that before (and during this break) i've had a very difficult time trusting myself and feeling healthy and productive. there are lots of other things i can do to help cope: taking a bath, going to the gas station or something to get a small snack, or just listening to music on some days.
i think i've figured out a new and nice way to lay out images..? i can put them on the right or left side with the text sort of wrapping around them in a way
and after checking it out.. it works. this is wonderful to be honest. i'm surprised.
i know that the colors of this image might not be as good as the monochromatic schemes of the pages in the past, but i hope that the pin k does compliment against the dull greens in the background and the blue grey skies.
dawntrail also came out. that has been kind of fun and has occupied some of my time. the graphics update means better gposing.. and as you might be able to tell from the little image here, i've changed her scales from blue to white.
also, i feel like it'll be important to mention today, that with the ipad, i can make some art? it's much better than trying to draw with the keyboard and mouse. i like using the ipad a bit, but i do think i would enjoy using a drawing tablet a tiny bit more because i could do everything in photoshop on my pc. it is insane to see the difference between using the ipad, and being able to actually draw, in comparison to what i could do before with digital art using just a mouse and keyboard. i feel like with a mouse you can pantomime painting and pastel work, but it's extremely difficult to replicate drawing.. which is basically a complete dealbreaker.
in my ideal world, i can draw and use photoshop. i just want to be able to use the tools i know in photoshop to finish projects..
thank you for reading today.. i think i'll leave it here. i'm glad that i was able to commit to writing again today and to creating a new page. i'm happy that it's working out. i'm happy i've done something pretty productive so far!! i hope you have a pleasant dayand take care of yourself. lots of love.
oh and by the way.. i should set up a little directory for all of the blog pages soon. that way you can go and click on any one you might be interested in reading and stay there for as long as you'd like. . soon also, i'm going to probably stop posting about my feelings on programming and html in general and the little things i learn. i'm getting very close to having everything understood that'd be important to understand.. thank you for sticking with me and putting up with these random topics and thoughts. i don't want to pre script everything and publish some final draft, but i would like to focus some parts of this.
from sage rosabell. i'm sorry. sage rosabell | bandcamp